Friday, August 01, 2014

Trying to be a chameleon is hard work

I think there is some chameleon in me.  I see something that mesmerizes me and I want to BE it.  I crawl toward it. 

Like this, over here.   Or this

I climb all over it and look really hard and try to figure out how to crawl into that skin.

You know, so I can do this.    

I can spend a whole lot of time trying to make myself match those wonderful, wonderful things.  Like this... who wouldn't want to do this?

But really, I'm not a very good chameleon. And that's probably a good thing.  After I wear myself out trying to do things that look like something that's not me, I remember what it is I can do. I remember I like things simple and cleanI like to see the white of the page.  I remember that what I do isn't great, it isn't perfect, but it reflects me.   For today, anyway.

Tomorrow, I'll probably crawl off toward some other wonderful thing and start trying to change my skin again. 

** All of this is to stay that I'm putting away the acrylic paints, packing up the box of stencils, and closing the journal full of dreadfully ugly, messy, over-wrought attempts at art journal pages I've made today.  I'm putting my pretty flowered cotton table cloth back on the table, and setting out the polka-dotted vase of white roses, and I'm gonna just relax and breathe easily again.  Trying to be a chameleon is hard work.  


  1. Ha ha! Haven't we all had a go at trying out someone else's "thing"? Talk about awkward--and then it feels so good to come to one's senses. What a relief.

  2. Wonderful, wonderful description of what get's in the way of being me, thank you!

  3. OMG, we are separated at birth. Over the winter, I got rid of a ton of "mixed media" stuff. I have the same problem over and over again - what style am I??

  4. Love it Diane! I think we all struggle to be true to ourselves. I found this quote and wrote it in my journal... it spoke to me and maybe you too.

    "No one in the world was ever you before, with your particular gifts and abilities and possibilities. It's a shame to waste those by doing what someone else has done." --- Joseph Campbell