So, here it is: I'm feeling ambivalent. And I'm feeling ambivalent about feeling ambivalent.
When I read the blogs of some of the professional artists and teachers on this web ring, I'm inspired and encouraged...and also envious and discouraged, in a way, by how productive they are and how dedicated to making art they are. And how I'm not.
But then I stop myself from going down that road. I don't want to be an artist selling work...I mean, it'd be cool to sell stuff from time to time but that's not my goal. I don't make quilts to be art winning prizes or attracting big prices. (That's obvious from my output...snort...) That'd be exciting and fun and satisfying, but ultimately that's not what this is all about for me.
And as I was pouring out my slumpiness to Mel this morning, here's what came out that seemed like a good realization:
I want to be energized to be producing work I love, and to love doing it.
That's a worthy goal, right? It actually has helped me to articulate that. I want to be producing work I love and to love the process of doing it.
But here's the ambivalence. When I'm in this sort of mood, part of me thinks that it's useful to turn my attention to getting other stuff done. After all, one of the benefits of NOT doing this for a living is that I can choose to do it solely because I want to, when I want to. This is about keeping me feeling centered and happy and balanced. So, perhaps using this time to accomplish other necessary stuff -- you know, basic stuff like taking the Christmas tree down and cleaning up holiday clutter and thta pesky work that pays the bills -- is important to clear the decks for impending creative time, recharging me to miss being away from working artistically.
Then again, I think that maybe I should be pushing myself to do something, ANYthing, because I might stumble onto something and find myself feeling energized again. Hmmm, it's that old thing about inspiration won't find you if you're not at the work table, eh? Maybe I'm just being lazy. That wouldn't exactly be a first.
(One good and bad thing about being a lawyer is being trained to see all sides of an issue. I confuse myself. And I am the type to overthink things. And notice how all this thinking about whether or not I should be making myself do something is actually way of procrastinating and avoiding doing something creative. But why should I push myself if I don't feel like doing it? See? I can go around and around.)
Anyway, that's where I am right now. Do you all ever feel this way? And how do you get yourself out of it? Do you push yourself, or just let yourself recover?
I'm gonna go to my guild tomorrow and see quilty friends. That'll be fun and maybe even get me cranking again...